COLIN 2006

Countdown in Lincoln

28 January 2006

by Jerry Humphreys

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Friday

Why would anyone want to travel from Bristol all the way to Lincoln to play a game of Countdown? Well, as my lodger put it, it's no worse than driving to Carlisle to watch a game of football. Something to do on a Saturday. Or perhaps an excuse to visit a historic city for the first time. Er, in the middle of winter. A chance to see if Soo Reams is a real person or the earthly manifestation of a galactic super-being. But most important to any games player, the opportunity to win a key ring and a round of applause for establishing a temporary superiority over a small selection of other Earthlings.

So to the station, and to make sure nothing could go wrong I took the day off work and went for the 10.30 train. Shortly before leaving the house I realised I hadn't recorded the address of the venue, so switched the computer on but unfortunately it decided not to connect to the internet but I thought, I'm bound to have it in an email somewhere or I can connect to the web in Lincoln or something. So rushed out of the house just in time to see two no 49 buses pulling out from the bus stop.

Cursing FirstBus I walked past the buses which by now were waiting at the lights, and stood shivering at the stop. Then something nice happened. A country bus turned up so I hailed it and we zipped up the motorway into town (inasfar as one can zip at the moment, while the city end of the M32 is being reconstructed to allow the expansion of the shopping centre) and I had the pleasure of walking past the two 49s as they slowly made their way into town from the other direction.

Walked up to the station, nearly colliding with a sign that said something like, For your comfort and convenience this entrance is now closed. Please follow the signed route. Didn't see any signs so went through the car park instead. I thought this would be a good time to get my ticket to Nottingham for two weeks time. The lady was very helpful and found a ticket for just £14 for the outward leg but when I said the return journey would be on a Sunday she shook her head and said sorry, industrial action. Apparently the trains are all running perfectly but the reservation system does not allow advance bookings for Sundays while the dispute is on. As this means passengers have to buy more expensive tickets it is the first time I have come across industrial action which forces a company to make higher profits. But then I'd believe anything of Britain's public transport system.

When is a train not a train? At Newark I had to change and stood for ten minutes on an unsheltered platform that was more like an oversized bus stop, when a single carriage pulled into the station. I have always believed that a train has to be made up of multiple units, as it is derived from the Latin trahere, which means to drag. ODE agrees wholeheartedly, I found out later. Anyway I didn't feel this an appropriate place to make a pedantic stand against the decline of the English language, especially as these niceties naturally tend to wither under a Labour government, so got on anyway. As a surreal gesture the sign on the inside of the carriage told me we were in carriage C.

Lincoln had one immediately attractive feature that warmed me to the place as soon as I started along the street. The station is right on the edge of the town centre, with only one road to cross. This means that the first sights you get of the town are shops and ancient buildings, where other cities force you to walk past housing estates and dual carriageways. It reminded me a little of Paignton, but in that town the railway terminates so you can walk round the station to get to the other side. In Lincoln the trains pass through which gives an urban feature I have never seen before - the High Street passes over a level crossing, and you can look along the track to see into the station. Well I thought it was interesting.

Checked into the hotel just in time for my favourite tv show, then went to explore the town. It was as good as I had anticipated. After a quick look at the central area I struck up a cobbled hill which just went up and up and as I was starting to think it would not lead to anything it levelled out and there were some shops. A full range with a posh looking butcher and a baker next door and then a community crafts shop, if not actually a candlestick maker. Soon it expanded into a proper little village and there was a cathedral there. Checked the map and sure enough we were still smack in the centre of the city. Impressive. Glad I hadn't booked into the White Hart though, as it is right at the top of this hill.

Feeling hungry I returned to the main shops remembering how towns work least well between 5 and 7, when the day shops close and night life hasn't started. Sure enough all the cafes were shut and when I found a decent looking cheap restaurant by the river it was only twenty minutes from closing, so I took a look at the waiter washing the floor and, remembering Bill Bryson's comment about walking in to an English eatery just as they're getting ready to go home, decided to look elsewhere. The few places that looked lively seemed inhabited by couples and the rest were cafe bars, which were tempting but eventually I stuck to a recent travel tip - best to eat in your hotel room rather than advertise the fact that you have no friends. So settled for the Spar and television and a bit of practice for tomorrow.

Saturday

Went to breakfast where I was the first up. The scarily subservient landlady kept peering at me to check if I had a plate that needed to be whisked away. Didn't dare have both grapefruit segments and cereal but managed to sneak in a refill of orange juice. The full English was pretty good in fact and when I asked if they had an internet computer she said to write down the address of the COLIN site, then came back several minutes later with a map and a printout of the schedule for the day. So I'll remember this hotel next time I come to the city. It is called The Hollies and is in Carholme Road, about five minutes walk from the shopping centre.

Took a taxi to the venue rather than try and interpret the bus system and have to rely on my map reading skills. About half the people were already there and I had no trouble spotting Conor although he did look significantly older than  last time we met. Also some other faces familiar from the television - Daniel Peake who is currently contending for the series finals, and Dan Vannasingham who was recently on Brainteaser. Supreme performer Chris Wills (2002 champion), who won the event last year, arrived in a wild jumper and proclaimed to one and all how he was not here to defend his title, only to try and win a few games. A few strong players I did not recognise until someone told me who they were, including series champions Mark Tournoff (2004 Series 52) and Stewart Holden (2004 Series 51). Then Jono arrived and behind him the talented multi-legend Soo Reams cunningly disguised as a long-haired student of Computer Science at Cambridge University. Plenty of other names from the web forum, including Gary Male, Sandie, Kirk and Paul Howe, to name but a few. And of course at the front of the room on stage the hard-working organiser of the event Ben 'Nebagram' Wilson, himself a series champion from 2001. As a nice touch he had anagrammed all our names, so I was Her Jumpy Sherry, which is about the best anyone has ever done with my difficult letters.

First off was the exhibition match, a blindfold game between Jono and Stewart, which neither of them (nor anyone else as far as I know) had ever tried before. All credit to them for getting anything at all, but they seemed to managed it with the greatest of ease, outscoring most of the spectators who had the advantage of pen and paper. Stewart won that battle, and after a short break we moved on to the main business of the day.

The tournament was 'paired' in triplets but Tripletted is not in ODE and anyway has 10 letters. One person acts as host for the other two then after that game the roles are changed. So each round has three games and each player plays in two of them. As there are three rounds it is effectively a 6 round Swiss, but with less scope to pair the strong players against each other than in a conventional pairs tournament. We played games of 9 rounds, which has been found in practice to be preferable to the 15 round game on TV. I was grouped with Matthew Goulding and Alex Lacey, both of whom have been on the show. I volunteered to be the first DC, which seemed an easier option than launching straight into the game. Twenty minutes later it was my turn.

Round 1

^ = disallowed word

Round 2

Round 6 was a contender for the worst selection of the tournament but in one of his games Kirk managed to choose JQLIIIGOH, which does not contain any four letter word.

There were several players on two wins so the next pairings were relatively gentle. But I knew I was up against a good player in Mark Tournoff, who had beaten Soo in the previous round. I also forgot to change my camera setting as the day became darker.

Round 3

Shame to miss that easy numbers game, though it would not have been enough points to clinch the match. There was a side competition for the greatest number of points from the 12 numbers games. Dropping 3 points from a perfect score was not a good omen. The spelling mistake would not have impressed my English teacher either, though it did not affect the score.

Round 4

*Conor walks by, glances at the letters and says you could have had IMPULSION!

After these rounds there were 3 players on 4/4, which was good for the pairings. I was down to Table 4, against Mike Brown and Jon Stitcher. I can't call Jon by his nickname for reasons which would be apparent if you knew what it was. One of his claims to fame is that he recently won the Christmas online tournament and therefore gets a trophy against his name on Soo's rating list.

Round 5

Although I was not aware at the time I was already out of the running for the Numbers Game trophy, but worse was in store in my favourite selection of 4 large ...

Round 6

*Naught is given as a pronoun and as such is not pluralisable. It is also an American variant of Nought but American spellings are disallowed.

**Discovered later the brilliant 'best try' using a method I have practised loads of times, but missed on the day. 982 = (5*50*100-6*75)/25! My chance of eternal fame will have to wait another year.

My second crucial conundrum of the day and the second I had lost! The conundrum is far more significant in the 9 round game so I obviously need to get out less. Second place was beckoning had I won, but I was still a respectable 7th. As there was no player on 6/6 the winner was reigning champion Chris Wills, who had the best points difference of the group on 5.

Kirk won the teapot for the best player who hadn't previously won one. Sandie won the prize for most 9s, though it was a reflection of the curious letter selections everyone had that even she only managed two. Soo won the best word prize - my entry was Eroticism in round 5, but he came up with a word so obscure that I can't even remember it. Something like Koowaris. Nick Deller tied with Chris for the numbers game prize, with a brave 117/120. Amazingly no one won the prize for the first person to make Leotard.

After the prizes had been distributed about half of us hung around chatted while Ben's hard-working mum prepared dinner for us, having already spent the whole day serving coffee and cleaning up for 33 people. This was a great opportunity to sit and meet each other without having to think about impending games. Then back to Lincoln courtesy of Mike and after saying goodbye to Soo and Jono at the station, blissfully unaware of their nightmarish journey ahead, retired to the hotel. Worn out but thoroughly pleased with the day.

Final Results